I am sorry, body

I have two broken bones. No doubt this has caused a lot of you-should-be-eating-this conversations with Mom. In addition to her instructions on how to make ox tail soup (eat bones to grow bones), she is also sending me calcium pills and "trauma detox" drops from the homeopathic doctor.

Me: Mom, I just want to know what this "trauma detox" is. It doesn't even have ingredients on it, not even "dried cow berry essence" or anything. All it says is, "Take for 15 days, 2 times a day." This is what all of his drops say! And they all taste the same!
Mom: I know, Alexa. You can call them and ask.
Me: But if you don't even know what it is, why do you take it?
Mom: Well, what I have learned is that this kind of medicine is a way of acknowledging to your body that yes, I have treated you badly and I am sorry, but now I am going to fix it. It is this kind of energy that will allow your spirit and your body to be in harmony, and you will get better more completely.

I find it fascinating that a person who has trouble understanding the "compose email" button can understand such an abstract concept.

Her interpretation of the world is just very unique. Take this email regarding my homeopathic package, for example:

Please write a "written" permission to the UPS deliver person to post on your door, to give him/her the permission to leave your package in front of your door. Then He/she will do that and take your "Written" note back to office as a proof. Without a written proof , the driver will not do it. WRITE a BIG THANK YOU NOTE. HOPE the DRIVER will be nice to follow your HUMBLE REQUEST.[see bolow, P.S.
Also the package will be either staying at their customer center or with request , the package will retun to me. I have to pay another postage too.
Let me know you read this email.
P.S. You may want to put a box in front of your door, elavated, then put some scotch tape for the driver, hope he/she will tape it to secure the box, . I hope your apt dog will not chew your package or eat it.


hi mom
i read it. your PS doesn't make any sense, but i don't think getting the package will be a problem at all. thanks!


Why? I am afraid YOUR AUNTS will get it before you!!! Your Dog may eat it too. See????