time warp

let's turn back to when i was about 4...
*alarm beeps*
me: mommy, the alarm beeped.
mommy: okay
me: what was it for?
mommy: sometimes i like to set a timer to see what 5 minutes feels like.

and now back to the present...
*cell phone alarm rings*
me: allen, your alarm went off.
allen: oh okay thanks.
me: what was it for? to celebrate the middle of the day?
allen: ...you know me too well...i have a 12:30 alarm so i know that half the day has passed.

still small voice

mom would be pleased to know that i rarely go a day without hearing her voice.
every food and/or situation has a different mantra.

for example:
grapes = "fasteset sugar body can get!"
avocados = "good for protecting your stomach. only eat a little bit though, good fat."
nuts = "chew, chew, chew."
flaxseed = "grind it up so it's easier to digest."
microwave = "cancer! death! microwave water kill plants!"
cheese = "eat it like medicine."
agar = "tell me about your poop in the morning."
soda = "you will get cancer."
basil = "only eat once a month."
persimmon = "never eat with seafood."
ice = "bad for stomach. shock your system."
peeing = "drink water after peeing. replenish your system."
stomach pain = "press between your thumb and forefinger."
nasal pressure = "press the bridge of your nose."
neck pain = "acupuncture!"
back pain = "acupuncture!"
stomach pain = "acupuncture!"
foot pain = "acupuncture!"

see, i listen.

joy chicky again

i was browsing the old entries and i saw the one about joy chicky...
so i wanted to say a few words about the joy chicky

this past weekend at home alexa opened joy chicky's cage in the car and out popped joy chicky...and she was all tiny and frazzled and the feathers were falling off and she coudln't stand up and just kind of flopped over....and while alexa and i were laughing uncontrollably and holding our sides and putting us all in danger b/c i was driving while this was going on...i just want joy to know that i hope she is not in peril danger as the joy chicky was suggesting..

its like that clock that mrs weasley has in harry potter where the clock tells her the status of each of her family members (man, what would mom give for that clock)...but the joy chicky is supposed to represent joy....so as mom would say "have confidence in yourself!"...don't let your feathers weigh you down!

i would also like to take this moment to apologize for the time that joy blacked out in the hallway and the living room while doing aerobics and in stead of running to her aid i fell over laughing...when we laugh at you we do it out of love joy....in the words of moulin rouge.....

"all you need is love."
"love is not a game"
"i was meant for loving you baby you were meant for loving me"
"the only way of loving me baby is to pay a lofty fee"

oh oops, i got carried away there

man, am i bored at work today

A funny story told by a funny girl

I forgot to post this funny conversation with Alexa:


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...and so then joy invited them into our pretty living roomwhere everyone lied about moving and they were confused about us moving, because they didn't know and then joy clarified that we weren't moving, but moving around
so they came in and sat down
joy, allen, and i entertained while mom refused to stop cooking for like 20 minutesi fed them juice and one of them picked up the chinese newspaper and pretended to read it
oh and we didn't have enough apple juice for 2 glasses, so i poured one grape and one apple
he knew the word "ren" (like man) and he kept pointing and going, "man!...man!...man!...hey, it's everywhere!"hahaand then once we finally got the lesson, when mom stopped cooking and everyone was kind of loopy because we'd already visited the cooks earlier in the afternoon
we had already had our external-family people fix, we weren't expecting more!
and mommy kept interrupting with nonrelated questions like "why do people not understand? why do they do bad things?"
i told her it was like wanting a hamburger even though you knew it was bad for you and the missionary agreed
and then allen had to hold back his southern drawal when he was reading things out loud
aaaand oh and then we got into a discussion about what "galvanize" means because joy thought it meant "to gut out"and at that thought allen and i were like-no way man!
and then mom and allen would get into discussions in chinese, excluding everybody
anyway, by the end i think they were weirded outand one of the elders asked joy to pray, and then mom goes, "yeah, you pray elder"and we laughed, but she had no idea
then they tried to leave, but mom chased them out with fortune cookies
yep, that almost covers it all
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classic tang event.....

fake smiles and happiness for all